On February 15, 2025, the first meeting of the Couples’ Café, a path of spiritual growth for couples inspired by Schoenstatt pedagogy, was held in the parish of the Sacred Heart in Ponte a Egola, a small town in the province of Pisa (Tuscany), Italy. Eight couples, aged 20 and over, took part, with the guidance of Fr. Pablo Pérez, director of the Schoenstatt Movement in Italy, and the presence of the parish priest Fr. Federico Cifelli.

The Couples’ Café is a project run by several married couples belonging to the Family Federation of the Schoenstatt Apostolic Movement in Rome and consists of five meetings, lasting approximately one or two hours, in which they discuss topics whose initials form the word “Caffè”: Sharing, Covenant, Fidelity, Fruitfulness and Education (self-education).

Time for discussion

The meeting began with a brief introduction of the participants, a presentation of the topic to be discussed in the session and one or two questions proposed for each couple to discuss, followed by a final phase in which they exchanged impressions and reflections on the topic (each couple’s dialogue remaining private). During this moment of dialogue, the organizers offered refreshments (coffee, drinks, pastries, etc.) at each couple’s individual table, with romantic music playing in the background, a candle lit on the table decorated with a tablecloth and other ornaments.

The objective of the Couples’ Café is to create the environment for an effective dialogue that serves as a first step in maintaining and strengthening the relationship (as self-education). The aim is for the couple to periodically face the challenges that arise in their life and in the family (choosing or changing homes, children growing up, changing jobs, etc.). In these situations, the connection between the two can be strengthened by facing difficulties and new developments together, but cracks in the couple’s covenant can also arise, giving way to rivalries and/or tensions where there was once unity and understanding. For this reason, the couple must periodically work on maintaining their relationship, just as we take the car to the mechanic for periodic check-ups.

Forming League groups

The Couples’ Café also seeks to familiarize participants with the spirituality of the Schoenstatt Movement, which has a specific vocation in family ministry (in the strictest sense, not only for the family as a whole). It is a proposal for spiritual and relational growth for couples, presented in a pleasant and attractive way, which allows them to experience moments of dialogue that, in everyday life, are often difficult to find. This two-person path is unique within the Catholic Church’s pastoral offerings and is also designed to offer a path for a Covenant as a Couple, which allows participants to form a community of couples (the Family League) at the end of the process.

The importance of sharing

The topic for the first meeting of the Couples’ Café was sharing.

The relationship between both is defined as a deep friendship [1] or, better still, as a partnership based on the acceptance of each other’s differences and limitations, as well as on the recognition of their respective qualities. [2]

The concepts of friendship and covenant, applied to the conjugal relationship, have long been present in the pastoral orientations of the Catholic Church. In particular, Gaudium et Spes states that “the intimate community of conjugal life and love, founded by the Creator and endowed with its own laws, is established through the covenant of the spouses.” [3]

The experience of partnership in the couple needs to grow and mature according to the fundamental dimensions of life together (managing money, relations with the family of origin, managing free time, sex life, etc.).

Thus, the couple’s experience of sharing can be understood from different perspectives:

It also refers to communication and/or listening to one’s own feelings or those of one’s spouse, which represent an essential part of the individual.

It is a dialogue and a confrontation about one’s own experience and about the needs as an individual and as a couple. The opposite of this would be silence, which occurs when spouses no longer dialogue or argue, but rather live long periods without communication between them.

Shared activities are also included (household and family management, free time, bank accounts, etc.). It is not only a question of basic needs, but especially those that concern life as a couple: the need to be loved, accepted, listened to and feeling a sense of belonging, but also the need for personal fulfillment, social relationships and to be oneself. The opposite of this would be so-called “parallel lives”, where spouses have separate areas of gratification, with different friends, different leisure activities and separate vacations.

They can also decide on and carry out short- and long-term projects together, such as choosing vacations, buying a car, educating the children, buying a house, changing jobs, etc.

As a shared spiritual experience, couples can participate together in paths of spiritual and/or cultural growth.

“Time is needed to engage in dialogue, to hug each other with no rush, to share projects, to listen to each other, to look at each other, to appreciate each other, to strengthen the relationship.”[4]

Translation: Maribel Acaron

[1] L. Baldascini – M.S. Mastrangelo, La creatività nella teoria e nella terapia di coppia, Milano, Franco Angeli srl, 2022, p. 118: “A good friendship is the basis of couples who stand the test of time, because each one knows they can count on the other, as if they always had a good friend by their side. And to be good allies, it is not necessary to be the same; on the contrary, the alliance is stronger when two different individuals manage to complement each other.

[2] Julie Schwartz Gottman – John M. Gottman, Dieci principi per una terapia di coppia efficace, Milan, Raffaello Cortina Editore, 2017, p. XV, “Thinking about friendship, it can be seen how close friendships require recognizing differences and promoting attentive and respectful communication. Each person is unique, and each can relate to the other without losing their identity. … Strengthening friendship and intimacy greatly favors integration in our relationships. See also John Gottman, Emotional Intelligence for Couples, Milan, Bur, 1999, p. 28.

[3] Paul VI, Gaudium et Spes, Rome, St. Peter’s, December 7, 1965, paragraph 48.

[4] Pope Francis, Amoris laetitia, Rome, St. Peter’s, March 19, 2016, paragraph 224.